See Our Babes

Our little boy and girl are now three days old, and doing beautifully. I love cuddling and watching them. Below are videos from yesterday:

Our little boy:

Our little girl at her 11:00 p.m. feeding:

I am wearing a mask because I had finished a cold a few days before, and so even though I'm fine now, just wanted to be on the extra safe side. But it makes my nose look gigantic!

Thanks for all of your heartfelt comments and well wishes!!

Born

They just couldn't wait to make their entrance into this world. Our little boy and girl were born on Halloween morning (34 weeks, 1 day). They are adorable and doing great. As with all early birds, they're hanging around the NICU. Here are their stats:

Big brother: 4 lbs 12 ounces, 9:44 a.m.

Little sister: 4 lbs 4 ounces, 9:45 a.m.

Our surrogate T had a c-section and is doing well. We got a text on Friday afternoon that her water broke (it had actually happened in the morning, but she initially thought it was pee from the pressure on her kidneys!) We packed our bags and drove up the hour and a half to her town. When we arrived, the hospital was in H1N1 lockdown. Only one support person was allowed to attend her entire labour, and I was so grateful that she chose me. On Saturday morning however, her contractions were still five minutes apart - nothing much doing, and so it was c-section time. We knew in advance that if a c-section was needed, her husband would be the person in the room, and so my hubbie and I waited outside (but found the door to the room and had our ears planted!!) We heard a baby crying (sort of shrieking) and that was our little boy! Before we knew it, the staff exited the room with an incubator holding the babes. I asked where the other one was, and they explained that both were in there - and then I saw them!!

They brought them to the NICU and got to work weighing them, putting a breathing tube on their nose, and so on. The poor babes! It was totally overwhelming and I just stood there dazed.

It's unbelievable how quickly their personalities shine through. Out little girl is so inquisitive - she looks around and studies everything. She's taking this world very seriously. Our little boy on the other hand is a bit of a shrieker - but when he sleeps, it's so deep and he looks like an absolute angel.

This evening, we held them both and fed them a bit of formula by holding up a vial that flows through a tube in their nose to their tummies. As I held each of them, I just couldn't believe what was happening. I have two preemies, sleeping in an incubator and being fed through a nose tube. It's not exactly as we planned, but they are so sweet and adorable. There's absolutely no question that they got the right embryos - she has those thick juicy lips from my Dad's side of the family and my little chin, and they both have hubbie's hair.

I have been watching some videos of me with the babies and am a teeny bit embarrassed. I am a total momzilla, just over-tending to them. But they are so little, my little babies who came a bit early and this is not the time to sleep-train or teach them to self sooth. I just want to give them every bit of comfort possible.

We do have names, and will announce them soon - usually it is done at a bris for the boy, but that will have to wait until he's six pounds and gaining. So we'll announce the names at some point, but not just yet.

Our babies are so beautiful, and we are just so grateful to T. for giving us the most precious gift we could ever ask for - our little boy and girl.

Double Trouble (218 dp 3dt / 33 weeks 4 days)

The truth is, I've been feeling anxious lately. We have a long list of things to do, and are scrambling to get it all done. But more than that, it's the books. Those twins books have been putting me on edge. I bought about 10 books on raising twins, and to be honest, some of them make the whole thing sound pretty harsh. I mean, really harsh.

Apparently, I will be an exhausted wreck and will find myself crying at various times of the day. I will need to take a CPR course (does everyone take a CPR course before their kids are born?) and will basically not be able to shower until the kids are in school. The babies will cry so much that we won't know what to do, but that's okay because we just need to accept that parents of twins lead more stressful lives. And it's okay to want to shake them, but just fight that. (Huh?!?)

Reading book after book that laments about the hardship of raising twins, the relentless sleep deprivation, the requirement to have absolutely everything perfectly organized before the twins come, is taking the fun out of the anticipation. The books don't really discuss that warm feeling of looking at your two beautiful babies. They don't discuss how cuddly they are when you hold them. They just discuss how challenging it is, and how very difficult it will be if you aren't one million percent organized.

So I have been frantically cleaning out the apartment, the cupboards, under the bed, and that drawer that you stuff everything into and loath to clean. I try to research everything I buy - from mattresses to bottles to strollers to baby carriers, and my husband and I drive around the city picking things up off Craigslist, and I just feel like we need to work, work work to get everything ready.

I spoke to my friend, who has a three month old little boy, and she couldn't understand why I had so many things to do. "We didn't do anything before he was born", she said. And it was true. Even the furniture was delivered after the baby was born, but while she was still in the hospital, so by the time she got home everything was delivered and put together for her. (Meanwhile, my husband spent last night sweating over putting together a crib on his own - one of the downsides of a Craigslist purchase). My friend's husband even went and picked up a mattress from Walmart after the baby was born, and it was all just so smooth and easy. Apparently, with twins nothing is easy. Heaven forbid you don't buy the mattresses - and everything else - in advance, because once they come...

And so, the pure joy and innocent excitement I was feeling has been replaced by an uneasiness, fuelled by these so-called experts, some of whom have contradictory claims: don't use a glider (twins should self-soothe)/hey, have two gliders, one for each floor; use a bottle prop (all mothers of twins do)/never, ever use a bottle prop; sleep twins together/sleep twins separately; put them on a strict schedule at two weeks/they won't have a schedule until six months. It goes on and on.

I once saw a short film that had a woman watching a bunch of different news channels at once, and her mother came in to bring her various newspapers, and she was just eating the newspapers as she watched the multiple television sets, trying to absorb all the information. I'm sort of feeling that way...

This is a time I should be meandering through baby stores, oohing and ahhing at the cute clothes, and instead there's this unsettled feeling. I know those books have a lot to do with it. I do want to learn the techniques and suggestions, but these books have become my collicky nemesis, my two sets of quintuplets giving me all this work to do...

Quick Update (216 dp 3dt / 33 weeks 2 days)

Been away two weekends in a row, have been sick with a cold, and madly cleaning our apartment to make more room...

All is well with the twins, we had our last appointment this past Wednesday - here are their weights:

Boy: 4 pounds 6 ounces
Girl: 4 pounds 3-4 ounces

So they are growing!! Our surrogate T has a big, beautiful belly and the babes are kicking away!

To Have Your Cake and Eat it Too (199 dp 3dt / 30 weeks 6 days)

Here's a picture of the actual cake from N's shower:



N had previously taken a cake decorating class, so she's bit of a connoisseur and we knew that it would have to be good. She was somewhat stunned when she saw it since it was so unexpected - but she loved it!! It was interesting cutting the cake - sort of like those zen sand gardens that are painstakingly raked and then destroyed, to reflect the illusion of permanence.

We lived in the present. We ate cake!

Bridal Shower and Zayde!! (195 dp 3dt / 30 weeks 2 days)

Bridal Shower

Today I co-hosted a bridal shower for my dear friend N., and it was a great success! We had fun shower games, cute prizes, scrumptious food, gorgeous flowers (fuchsia, lime green and white), and a stunning cake (white fondant with fuchsia and pink polka dots, a HUGE fuchsia bow on top and another on the bottom). Will try to post pics!!

My co-host and I were a great team - I handmade the invitations and kept track of RSVPs, prepared the shower games, bought & wrapped the game prizes, purchased and labelled the party favours (three mini candles with "N's Shower" and "October 4, 2009"), found a cake place and discussed the design, and chose the napkins. And she picked up the cake made all the food (and there was a lot!!) It was a pleasure to work with her - we are both very detail oriented and focused. I've done other showers where I sort of feel that things weren't as evenly distributed, but this one worked out beautifully. And most important of all, the blushing bride had a great time!!

Of course, there were lots of preggos there - including two at the same hospital where my surrogate, T. and we are at! It's funny, I tried to partake in the conversation and would say things like: "I totally agree, Mt. Sinai has great care, but their birthing area needs to be updated". They definitely looked confused at how much I knew about prenatal stuff. They mostly spoke to each other, since I certainly don't look like one of them, and granted they have no idea we are expecting! I am getting more comfortable sharing my information - although am still guarded - and SO wanted to spill the beans. But of course, the shower is about my friend, and it obviously wouldn't have been appropriate at my friend's shower to blurt out:

"I'm expecting twins through my awesome surrogate and we're 30 weeks along!!!"

Nope, it wasn't the right time. Tempting though!!

Zayde

I am going to briefly take you back to the day following the Great Parents Reveal, when we told my parents that we're expecting. That evening, they were in a bit of a stunned, elated stupor. The next day, it was a bit more down to business. Especially my Dad! How safe are our tires? How safe is our car? And then there was a pitch to my husband about getting a more upwardly mobile job... Of course, my parents also asked if we'd consider moving back to our hometown.

The conversation also turned to what the twins would call them. For my Dad, the choice was clear: Zayde. He is such a Zayde that I teared up, and even tear up now when I think of this. For my mom, the choice is less clear. She isn't really a Bubbie. Nor is her mother (she's a Nanny) nor her sister (she's a Yaya to her grandchildren.) My mother isn't really a grannie, or grandma, or Savta either. This will take some thought - but we'll joyously figure it out!

So to direct my Dad's energy in particular, I assigned him to car seats. When we were kids, he was all about vitamin pills and teeth brushing and good shoes. So car seats were perfect for him. I'll probably go with the Graco snugride, but I asked him to look at the different kinds of snugrides, and to see where I can get a double snap'n go that would work with the car seats. Well, this has become some very important business. My Dad has been researching this and is calling the company tomorrow (Graco) to ask them some questions. My parents also saw bottles and sterilizers on sale, and asked me what system I'd want to use (BornFree, Avent, etc.), and had a million and one more ideas. They are just so excited and have LOTS of energy - my Dad's is more focused, and my Mom's is a bit more scattered.

We have yet to tell Hubbie's parents!! He wants to tell them in person. We'll see what happens - either way, we plan to tell them in the next week or so.

The Great Parents Reveal (189 dp 3dt / 29 weeks 4 days)

The day finally arrived....

We told my parents!!!

We all sat down at my place to break the Yom Kippur fast. Once my parents, hubbie and I had some food in our bellies, we went around and asked everyone to share their new years resolutions (for the Jewish new year, Rosh Hashana).

When it came to be my turn, I said: "My new year's resolution is to be... a good MOM!"

Reaction: silence. My Dad kept eating. It just didn't click!!!

And then I said: "...to be a good Mommy!"

My mom said "Mazal Tov", but it was evident that she wasn't clear on exactly what she was hearing. She sort of just recognized on some basic level that "Mazal Tov" was probably the appropriate thing to say. For good measure, she then said: "yeah, good".

So hubbie finally said: "We're pregnant!"

And I said, just to clarify: "We're expecting!"

And then they started to clue in.

Suddenly, my mom burst into tears. My dad was in shock.

And then we told them about the surrogacy, and about the twins, and they were just laughing in a state of shock and happiness. Then, my Dad became focused on how he could help. My mom wanted to know more of the backstory, how it all happened, how we met our surrogate, T., where the transfer took place.

It's funny, because I sent a little hint to my mom last week. It was a one line email:

"I'm really happy that you and Dad are coming in this weekend."

My mom told me that after I sent the email, she called up my Dad - they thought it was a nice email, but just a bit unusual. And my mom secretly hoped... "maybe..." But didn't say anything to my Dad.

Thankfully, my Dad totally understood why we waited until 29 weeks, 4 days to tell them. How awesome is that?! My mom sort of wished we told her earlier, so that they could be helpful to us, but also took it very gracefully.

Well, off to bed. It went well!!! They are just so excited, but also shell shocked, my poor parents! (They've been through a LOT!!) We'll see them at breakfast tomorrow when they've had a bit of time to absorb the news.